Deep, Dark, and Crazy
A big part of my, Susan’s, life has been about finding joy and humor in my deep, dark and crazy.
I admit I’ve tried to get rid of the deep, dark and crazy, at first. I longed to be normal, happy and positive. However, that generally resulted in me being angry, pissed off and stuck.
My past was riddled with cancer, violence, prejudice, hate, and that is hard to be positive about. When you are smacked in the face with something that terrifies you, breaks your heart, or just flat out pisses you off - being happy isn't going happen!
Have you seen the movie, Annie Hall? If so, you might remember the scene where Woody Allen asks a nice, happy couple walking by how they stay happy. Their response (as I remember): "We are sweet, shallow and conservative." That line just cracked me up!
So, happy can seem like just another word for shallow. Because deep down, we all have some deep, dark and crazy.
Maybe you’re that person or couple in Annie Hall who can stay above it. I am not.
I had to find a different track to deal with my deep, dark and crazy.
It has not been easy. In fact, it’s been a bit of a train wreck at times. There were some definite low points.
The best lesson I ever learned is that, sometimes, when presented with what seems totally and insanely crazy bad sh*t — laugh!
One of the most surprising gifts someone ever gave me was when a friend of mine laughed at my life story. I admit it jolted me at first, but hell, his laughing got my attention. Let me explain.
I was in the middle of sharing my dark and dramatic story. Telling him about the violence and crazy pieces of the things I remembered. I was so caught up in the telling that I was looking down, trembling a bit on the inside. Then I heard him laugh.
I looked up at him, about to be right pissed off. But when I caught his eyes I saw something different and unexpected. I asked, "What's so funny?!"
He replied, "Nothing - absolutely nothing. Your story just makes me see how crazy and insane life is. I know it's not what I should do, but laughing’s all I got. I’ll either cry and give up, or I laugh.”
That moment cracked my walls in a way nothing ever had before. I could see he cared.
I could see he wasn't being mean. He was just totally stuck. What better thing to do than to laugh?
Now, of course, it's not about faking a laugh or laughing at someone. No. It's about that moment when you realize you can't fix it. You may not even understand it. You either give up and breakdown crying — or you laugh. Honestly, a good cry and a good laugh both bring tears, and both have tremendous healing powers.
Even though we may want a hero to save us. No hero can save us from ourselves, and it is very possible we won't save ourselves from ourselves either.
Shared humor helps. Humor connects. I know I’m not alone.
For me, it's easier to connect through my humor than through my tears, but frankly, both are paths to joy. Joy comes when I make contact with another. That point of contact, either through tears or laughter - is profound.
When my friend laughed, I cracked, and those walls came down a bit. I saw him. I made real contact with someone who was sincere, real and just doing the best he could, knowing he couldn't fix it. Knowing he couldn't even pretend to understand.
All he had was radical, honest presence. That stuck with me.
Joy comes when we learn how to meet each other wherever we are and discover we’re not alone. We are not our story! Those moments of contact - real, genuineness – well, those moments can, and will, carry me through the darkest of times. Real contact can carry you too!
That’s why I believe in finding joy and humor from the dark, deep and crazy.
P.S. Are you stuck in your deep, dark, and crazy or just holding on to an old story and suffering? Maybe it’s time to do something different. Why not join us for Get Unstuck, Relationship Mojo, or our signature retreat Find Your Mojo in Montana, Want more one-on-one help? Check out my personal coaching.
CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke are Master certified life coaches, business consultants, speakers and authors of The Beauty of Conflict. They believe real relationships are the key to creating great business results. They’ll take your team from mediocre to great.Interested in coaching? Check out CrisMarie’s executive coaching and personal coaching, or Susan’s personal coaching and equus coaching. Want to take a class? Sign up for one of their virtual classes: Get Unstuck, Relationship Mojo or come to their signature retreat Find Your Mojo in Montana. Click here to check out all their service offerings. Click here to contact them to coach with you, consult with your team, or speak at your next event.