So many of the women I, CrisMarie, coach have a hard time saying yes to themselves. It shows up in big ways, but what about all the little ways? It’s the pattern of saying no to you – your wants, your needs and your dreams, that keeps you stuck and not getting the results you want. For example:
In our corporate work, I was partnering with a leadership development coach, Terri, who really wanted to go into personal coaching. She researched different coaching schools and found one that really spoke to her. It cost $10,000. She missed the registration window because she said, “I don’t have enough money.”
One woman, Sharon, had written a novel and gotten fabulous feedback. Yet, when she got her edited manuscript back from a professional editor, she just could not make herself sit down and incorporate the edits. She knew that this was the path to going the next step to being published. She told herself, “I don’t have the enough time.”
Even me, I’m a hip-hop dancer. This past year, I decided to pursue my passion for acting and was cast in a fall and winter play. Rehearsals conflicted with my dance class. By late January, when the second play ended, but I couldn’t get myself back to dance class. I told myself, “It’s not the right time. I’ll be behind.”
Anytime we really want to do something – there is some part of us, our brain, that immediately says no. The typical excuses it gives are:
I don’t have enough money.
I don’t have enough time.
It isn’t the right time.
I can’t, my partner will be upset with me.
This part of us wants us to stay where we are – in the familiar, which it thinks is safe. It’s a natural resistance to change. It’s automatic. Sure, this part of you may sound very reasonable. There may even be legitimate issues:
You probably don’t have $10K laying around. (When do you ever?) You’ll need to get creative, like dip into your savings or work overtime.
You schedule is tight. You’ll have to let go of something else.
It’s never the “right” time. Change isn’t scheduled.
Your spouse may be mad about you spending time and money on that class.
You know what? You can handle all these circumstances. You have in the past.
Think about the last time you had to spend money on, say, emergency repairs to your car or house. You found the money, didn’t you? Yep. The last time you had to squeeze in a last-minute trip, you found the time and money.
You are an adult who is bright, capable, and resourceful.
WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO – YOU CREATE TIME AND MONEY AND PERMISSION.
SO WHY NOT DO IT WHEN YOU WANT TO?
Also, if you’re saying no to big things, you’re probably saying no to yourself in small ways too, like when:
You want to buy a sexy top but tell yourself, “You don’t have enough money.” So you keep wearing your basic turtleneck. Ugh!
You get out of the shower and want to put lotion on your body, but some part of you says, “You don’t have time.” You rush to get dressed instead.
You want to schedule a massage and the only time available is Thursday morning. Some part of you says, “You can’t get a massage during work hours.”
When you believe that part, you’re believing you are not worth it. So:
You don’t move forward on your dreams.
You stay right where you are.
You still pine for those different results.
How to get what you want?
STOP BELIEVING the part of you that thinks you’re not worth it. Believe in your desire and you’ll move forward on your dreams. This part is not telling you the truth. It only its truth. It’s worried, sure, but not right. Become bigger than this part.
Don’t believe your first, second, or third internal voice that says no. If you keep believing the no, you’re going to stay right where you are. How’s that working for you?
I started coaching Terri. Six months later she invested that ten grand and now is a personal coach with a healthy practice. When I coached Sharon, she was able to publish that book and is now signing an advance for her second book! Me, I got back to dance class a couple of weeks ago and am set to perform in the April show!
Learning to say YES to you is THE KEY in transforming your life and creating the results you want. Practice saying yes in small and big ways.
What are you saying no to right now? Try saying yes.
Hugs,
CrisMarie
P.S. If you want to learn to shift your pattern and SAY YES! to YOURSELF, private message me on Facebook, and we’ll chat and see how I might be able to help you.
CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke
Coaches, Business Consultants, Speakers and Authors of The Beauty of Conflict
CrisMarie and Susan work leaders and teams, couples in business, and professional women.
They help turnaround dysfunctional teams into high performing, cohesive teams who trust each other, deal with differences directly, and have clarity and alignment on their business strategy so they create great results.
Check out their website: www.thriveinc.com. Connect with CrisMarie and Susan on LinkedIn. Watch their TEDx Talk: Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It! Find your copy of The Beauty of Conflict: Harnessing Your Team's Competitive Advantage here.