Fear Could Mean You’re Headed in the Right Direction
There’s a saying: when your desire for the view is greater than your fear of the road, you will move, and magic will happen.
For me, this speaks to the importance of having a dream and doing the work to embody that vision with emotion.
Here’s the challenge—often the emotions that surface when we leap into the unknown are fear and self-doubt. It’s not easy to step out of what is familiar even when the familiar is uncomfortable and possibly painful.
I have coached people who want a new career and yet they stay with their cubicle for the security of a health insurance plan.
I have coached people who want to have greater intimacy and connection in their marriage but don’t want to risk saying that they are dissatisfied with the way it is now.
I have held on to roles or jobs myself much longer than I wanted to because I was afraid to let go.
Most of us work to rationalize and think our way through fear, which just reinforces the fear and often the doubts. However, when fear rises, it can be a great indicator that you are heading in the right direction.
There are other options.
The first step is to go deeper. Turn and face the fear. Breathe into the sensations of the fear in your body. Notice, listen, and don’t get trapped by stories. Listen deeper. Feel and allow the energy of those emotions to expand and be expressed.
Imagine you are a container that can hold for all these emotions, all this energy. You don’t have to implode or explode. Simply let the energy rise and move through your body, your heart. Let it tap into your soul and spirit.
This isn’t easy!
That’s because this path doesn’t take you away from pain, anger, grief or loss. Often this path will take you straight into those feelings. However, this is the space where growth, possibility, and magic happens.
Finding the Perfect Job - Without Having to Leave
I was coaching a woman who was unhappy in her position at a large corporation. She said she was looking for a new job/company because she could not see a way to make the current role work.
She had been talking with a recruiter and was about ready to let her boss know she was leaving.
She shared in our session that there was a lot she liked about her current boss and company but that she just did not see an opportunity for growth.
I asked her to design her current position how she would like it. She quickly created a job description that excited her. I asked her if she had shared these ideas with her boss.
“No - he rarely listened to new ideas other than his own.”
I let her know I thought it was interesting that she was willing to apply for a new job with all that uncertainty without risking having the conversation with a boss and company she had given so much time and energy to.
She said she hated conflict and really didn’t want to risk making her boss angry. She did, however, understand the irony of her willingness to just abandon her boss instead of risking conflict.
She decided to talk to him. The initial conversation did not go smoothly, there was conflict. She scheduled another appointment with me to debrief and build the courage to go back again. She hung in there and they talked through a variety of options.
In the end, she did design a new position for herself and loves it.
Of course, it doesn’t always work like that. But she realized she had reached the point where she was willing to leave. Why not have whatever closure and honest conversation she needed to have before leaving? In other words, face her fear of conflict.
Same Applies to Relationships
I have coached people in relationships at that critical moment.
They are ready to find a new partner or have already started down that road, thinking this will be different and better.
However, if they leave without dealing with the discomfort of the relationship they are in, it’s very likely they’ll travel the same road again.
The road to a new view is riddled with bumps, uncertainty, challenges and risk. The energy to travel that type of road isn’t going to happen unless you can discover how to tap into all of your resources. This means learning all that you can from the road you might be leaving and using that emotional energy to fuel where you are heading.
Life is not a mental game - it’s a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual adventure!
Want to discover what it’s like to tap into all of your resources come and join us for Get Unstuck, a program is designed to help you tap into a new view and handle the road to get there! Want to learn more? Click here. This eight-week adventure is all about making your dreams happen and living fully while you do it!
Take the road less traveled,
CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke
Coaches, Business Consultants, Speakers and Authors of The Beauty of Conflict
CrisMarie and Susan work leaders and teams, couples in business, and professional women.
They help turnaround dysfunctional teams into high performing, cohesive teams who trust each other, deal with differences directly, and have clarity and alignment on their business strategy so they create great results.
Check out their website: www.thriveinc.com. Connect with CrisMarie and Susan on LinkedIn. Watch their TEDx Talk: Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It! Find your copy of The Beauty of Conflict: Harnessing Your Team's Competitive Advantage here.