You’re smart, capable, resourceful woman, but do you find yourself overcome with
– a heavy, foggy, confused feeling when you go to apply for a mortgage, look at financial planning, or egads…talk about retirement savings and how far behind you are?
It all seems so overwhelming…like rocket science.
So, you stay in denial. You feel naïve and are paralyzed, wishing, hoping, and yes, even expecting someone else to come along and handle it.
Many women, like me, CrisMarie, a coach, go into overwhelm and inaction around the area of money. It makes sense. In our patriarchal culture, men are the ones who are supposed to know how to be good at handling money. Truth is, they don’t have a special gene that makes them good with money. Really.
Plus, it’s not just money that can trigger this feeling. There are other topics, too.
I’ve had that feeling around money, as well as figuring out health insurance, making sales calls and, more recently, around starting my speaking business. I desperately want someone, anyone else, to figure it out for me, do it for me, make it all go away.
You’re in a Trance
Now, I know that when I enter this trance state (because that’s what it is) that a younger part of me is in charge. Not my educated, resourceful, adult self. Nope. Instead, my little girl is trying to figure out all sorts of complicated stuff. Of course, she wants someone older, wiser, more capable to take care of her and tell her everything is going to be okay.
Prince Charming Is Not Coming
The problem is I’m not a little girl. If I let my little girl run the show, she sits there helpless, waiting for some Prince Charming to come along and make everything better. Do you see the little girl wishful thinking? She’s not a great business planner. Nor should she be.
Perhaps you’re lucky, and you’re in a relationship with someone who takes charge and makes sure your money’s invested, your retirement is growing, you have all the insurance and health coverage you could ever need. If so, darlin’, you’re one of the few. Plus, if it’s a guy, you’ll likely outlive your hubby. Sooo … you might want to take a second look at those financial statements, those papers you’re signing, those loans you’re securing.
If you’re like me, and you get stuck in the spin, the churn, and the overwhelm – you’re stuck in your little girl, who of course feels helpless. Recognizing the wrong part of you is in charge is half the battle. Seeing that you are stuck in quicksand allows you to ask for help to get out.
Inner and Outer Work
To get out you need to focus on two different areas: the inner work and the outer work.
The inner work involves creating a relationship with your little girl. It consists of energetically having a chat with her, letting her know you’re there with her. She’s not alone. I bet she literally takes a sigh of relief.
You also want to check with her about what she’s worried will happen by taking action. Her fears are probably based on an old scenario from the past where things didn’t go well. Letting her know – that was then and this is now – helps her (and you) connect to the present, breaking the trance.
Access Your Confident Self
When I do this inner-relationship coaching with clients, either one-on-one or in GET UNSTUCK, they gain more access to their grown-up, smart, capable, and resourceful adult selves. Once your little girl knows that you, the adult, are there for her, and you’re addressing her fears, she’ll settle down. Viola! Your head clears, the fog lifts, and your energy comes back. Yep, even when focused on a “scary” topic.
Outer work is about learning the nuts and bolts of a subject. It’s like learning anything new. Think back to when you were in school or learning a sport. It takes time, effort, and help. You can read books, ask experts, and go to classes. Really, they have classes on just about everything these days.
If you try to address the outer work without doing the inner work, you won’t get too far. You can read all the books, take classes but that little girl hates doesn’t want anything to do with this topic. So, you won’t take in the information.
You are Not Alone
One, do not beat yourself up if you have subjects that trigger this paralysis. You are not alone. Two–you do not have to stay there. You can help yourself by taking responsibility. The desire to have someone else to it for you is very seductive. However, the empowerment you’ll feel when you do move forward is so enlivening.
Hugs,
CrisMarie
P.S. Join us in GET UNSTUCK! It starts next week!
CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke
Coaches, Business Consultants, Speakers and Authors of The Beauty of Conflict
CrisMarie and Susan work leaders and teams, couples in business, and professional women.
They help turnaround dysfunctional teams into high performing, cohesive teams who trust each other, deal with differences directly, and have clarity and alignment on their business strategy so they create great results.
Check out their website: www.thriveinc.com. Connect with CrisMarie and Susan on LinkedIn. Watch their TEDx Talk: Conflict – Use It, Don’t Defuse It! Find your copy of The Beauty of Conflict: Harnessing Your Team's Competitive Advantage here.