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Refuse to Choose

Have you ever had someone say to you, “The only way you’ll be successful is if you focus and become an expert on one thing.”?

I, CrisMarie, have. It doesn’t work that way for me.

I’m a coach and have been a coach for almost a decade. I’ve been told by marketing gurus that the key to success is choosing a niche, meaning a single focus like:

  • how to lose weight

  • heal your chronic pain

  • get the sizzle back in your relationship

  • be the leader you admire

  • how to be a successful entrepreneur

Well, forget it!


Because I’ve been challenged with each of these areas myself, and I’ve had to become an expert in them all. I’ve walked – and continue to walk— each of these paths myself.

I’m a mind-body coach, a relationship coach, and a leadership and business coach.

I refuse to choose!

I’ve spent so long feeling like my body was betraying me and have struggled with:

  • yo-yo dieting

  • hating my body

  • looking for experts to fix my chronic back pain

  • trying to get rid of my chronic fatigue, allergies, skin, and gut issues

I searched for the perfect expert and magic formula. Nothing worked, at least for long. There was a sense I was missing something.

It wasn’t until I started to look at what was underneath each of these issues that I found the missing ingredient. It was me – my inner guidance: how I felt, what was important to me, and what I wanted.

Sure, I needed help learning to connect to my guidance, which is how I became a mind-body coach.

Once I started listening to my inner guidance as the expert source, my weight leveled out and my back pain lessoned. After being allergic to about 20 different things, I’m now only allergic to one. My skin and gut issues have cleared up. I have so much more energy, now.

No, I’m not perfect, but I now know my body is always trying to communicate with me, not betray me. My job has been to learn how to listen.

What about you? Do you:

  • feel like your body is betraying you?

  • keep trying to find the perfect expert?

  • look for next magic pill to solve your problems?

Believe me, you have the answers within you. As soon as you start listening to and honoring yourself, your body is going to respond positively.

I spent a decade in a relationship where I was so lonely, yearning for connection. I tried to:

  • be the perfect partner

  • not rock the boat

  • become what I thought my partner wanted me to be

I worked super hard and was desperate to make the relationship work. But I only wound up frustrated, resentful and doing way too much. It wasn’t until I collapsed in despair that my relationship success started to turn around.

I asked for help and went to The Haven where I focused on learning about myself and how to communicate.

I realized that I couldn’t change my partner. I took the focus off of her and turned it on to me. I discovered what was important to me, and took up painting, dancing and acting – even though those activities interfered with “our time.”

I found my voice, started asking for what I wanted, began setting boundaries, saying what didn’t work for me. As I became more of me, I felt alive and experienced the emotional intimacy and passion that I’d been craving.

Today I have a very fulfilling relationship with my partner Susan. I get to be me. I matter. I speak up. I act, dance, and do my own thing. We fight and we make up. It’s hard, and it’s completely worth it.

Susan and I have our business together. We designed and lead in person couples programs, Couples Alive . Currently, we’re launching Ignite Your Relationship Mojo, an online relationship program to help you work on your relationship, even if your partner doesn’t want to.

What about you? Are you:

  • getting the connection you crave?

  • feeling alive and passionate in your relationship?

  • feeling like you matter

  • speaking up and getting to be yourself?

Once you start making yourself a priority, your relationship is going to turn around for the better. It’s a process but it works.

I started my career as an engineer at Boeing, and then I went back to school to get my MBA and worked for a high-faultin’ consulting firm. I kept getting promoted, but I felt like an imposter and was miserable, afraid someone was going to figure out that I was a fraud.

I was so exhausted trying to be what other people wanted me to be, that I decided to leave.

I learned that I enjoy helping people see and step into a bigger vision and work together as a team to make that vision a reality.

Susan and I started, thrive! doing leadership development, coaching, and teamwork. Thank goodness we didn’t pay attention to the fact that it was right after 9/11. We were successful right off the bat and have been successful every single year since.

The reality is — I wasn’t a fraud. I was just spending way too much energy focused on whether people liked me or not, rather than on whether I liked me or not.

What about you? Are you:

  • doing the work you love?

  • focused on meeting other people’s expectations?

  • worried about what you should do?

Once you shift your focus to making yourself happy and doing the work you love, the results will follow. You’ll be building your success from the inside out rather than the outside in.

I refuse to choose. What about you? Maybe choosing fits you just right, but be sure to check and listen to your insides before you decide.


P.S. How about you? What do you crave? Let me help you to connect to you. Check out my Personal Coaching page. Work with me. Sign up for a package or a session. I'd love to work with you to create the body, relationship and career you adore!

CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke are Master certified life coaches, business consultants, speakers and authors of The Beauty of Conflict. They believe real relationships are the key to creating great business results. They’ll take your team from mediocre to great.

Want to take a class? Sign up for one of their virtual classes: Get Unstuck, Relationship Mojo or come to their signature retreat Find Your Mojo in Montana. Click here to check out all their service offerings.

Click here to contact them to coach with you, consult with your team, or speak at your next event.

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